Boston, Michigan, Seattle, San Francisco....OH MY!!!

Once again it has been forever since I have blogged. It is safe to say that the last four years of my life have been a little crazy and while I probably should have documented them I didn't. So now after going to Africa, having a child, being laid off from my job, moving and working a crappy job for a year, going back to the job I was laid off from as a contractor I find myself in an exciting phase of my life. Next week I will be off on a series of job interviews to see where my next adventure might take me. It is a bit scary and very exciting to see where this next chapter of my life takes me. The love of my life turns 3 in November and I can't believe how fast she is growing up. I hope whatever change takes place I can get her settled and some sort of routine in her life.

My Daughters Laugh!!

Just when I think I am through wondering why I do what I do I hear infectious laughter come from my daughter's room. Her and her dad are upstairs doing whatever it is that makes her giggle from her belly. I have been praying a lot lately about my future where it will take us and was reminded today by a friend that my prayer is flawed. Instead of praying for God to remove the obstacles I should really be praying for strength and guidance to conquer the mountain I need to climb to get to the other side. A different friend encouraged me with this "God has everyday planned out for us. Why fret and worry about tomorrow if it is all planned out anyway? EVERY DETAIL of the day is already planned." I am not in control God is, yes he allows me to make my own decisions but he wants me to chose to follow him and let him be in control. He will not force his will on me he wants me to ask for his will and let him take control of every situation. Why do I find that so hard to understand? So many times thinking I know more than God does? I am reminded daily of just how awesome of a God I serve at 37 I never thought I would have a child of my own and he stepped in and said see what I can do? She is my joy! Also a reminder that we shouldn't put God in a box...I am guilty of this everyday. I pray for God to give me the strength to overcome and not run away. "The harder the conflict the more glorious the triumph." With God on our side we will have that triumph!!

New Year = New Start

When thinking about the title of my post I realize that everyday is a new start and a blessing from God. I didn't set a New Year's resolution this year but instead to set a goal each day as to want to accomplish. It took some time for me to really decide on what I wanted to do and come to realize I feel so much failure when I set resolutions only to not see them come full circle.My message from God App today said "You have to face problems however difficult they are. Having the bravery to face your difficulties is the hardest step; working through the problem is often easier than you think. The first step is always the hardest." Most the time I take on a task and instead of taking baby steps and focus on the finish line. Don't get me wrong I am not saying you shouldn't have long term goals, but for me sometimes I take on too much too soon instead of trusting God and enjoying the process. Today as I was at the park with my daughter I just sat back and enjoyed watching her run, slide, and swing. I loved that it brought her so much joy. Life's simple pleasures all to often get missed by day to day stress. The stress of finding a new job, paying bills, what to do for dinner, or just keeping up with the Jones never crossed my mind. As I realized this I realized how happy I truly am at this point in my life. Everything isn't close to perfect and I have a lot on my plate, but I am praying, trusting and believing God has a plan and it is bigger than anything I could ever imagine. I have spent the last 40 years of my life trying to control everything, make things perfect, or the way I think they should be. You know what it hasn't worked and I have be unhappy doing it. So I have a new approach, it's God turn and I want his will in my life whatever that might be. Am I afraid sometimes? Everyday, but I know I am in good hands. This is the first time in a long time I have even signed onto blogger. Today as I did I was thinking in my head that I am going to do this everyday and use it as my journal, but then thoughts of failure and not being true to that crossed my mind. So I started to write and decided that I am going to take one day at a time, enjoy this time with my daughter, and document moments as often as I can. Sharing blessing, failures, successes, and frustrations. Starting there and seeing where it leads!!

Trying to get back in the Swing of things!!!

No Mom this is not an April Fools joke....I am starting a new job on Monday and have decided that I am going to forget so many of Miss Charlie's firsts that I need to get my rear in gear and start blogging again. She is already talking up a storm and as we can understand a lot of what she is saying there is a lot that is still in question and I truly believe this is a good thing. Her favorite thing right now is tell me that she is stinky and poo poo. Most the time she is right, but she uses it to get out of taking naps and/or doing things she doesn't want to do. We have had two successful days without her bottle and as fearful as I was about taking it from her I think it was harder on her dad and I then it has been on her. Well this post is short and sweet,but hopefully I can keep them coming and make some good memories for my baby girl.

Boy How time flies!!!

It has been forever and a day since my last post and my mom and Cindy I am sure have given up on me. I am going to try and get into the groove again as Miss Charlie grows up way to fast for my liking. Tomorrow my baby will be 7 months old. She is crawling and wanting to walk so bad she just can't stand it. Her newest thing is standing up in her crib. Which she thinks is pretty awesome until she tries to sit down and can't figure out how to do it without falling. Mom and Dad are super scared that she is going to figure out a way to crawl out of the crib and land on her head, so we watch very close. I think we are going to have to drop the mattress again just to avoid that from happening. This last week she has just had so much personality. It is amazing to see the changes from day to day Ok and now I hope we are back on track because I am now able to upload pictures. We leave for Idaho in Two days so I will be sure to update you on the trip when we get back!!!

Charlize Renae Kinard-Davis

On November 12, 2011 my life changed forever and I experienced what my family likes to call "THE BIG LOVE" My daughter Charlie was born and true to form for her momma she didn't come into this world without a little drama (Go figure).
I was due on November 5th and my mom arrived in town on November 7th the evening before my next doctor's appointment. When we went to the appointment Tuesday morning I had expressed concern that the baby wasn't as active as she had been in the past so my MD scheduled a non stress test. Mom and I went directly to the hospital from my appointment and my amniotic fluid was around 9.3 and anything under 10 was considered low so I was schedule for another stress test on Friday morning if she didn't come before then. So we started the waiting game which grandma wasn't very good at. I had another MD appointment on Thursday and now looking back I say my Doctor jinxed me because she told me I had a 6 or 7 LBS baby that was in great position so once she decides to come it should go smooth.

In the mean time my Auntie Terri had asked what the number of the amniotic fluid meant and of course I had no clue. Friday morning came and we had to be at the hospital by 8am and in order to pass the time and have pretty toes for delivery mom and I were going to get our toes done after my appointment. When we got to the hospital we had the same nurse as we did before and while she was doing the test I asked her the question that my Auntie had asked me and she told me that anything at 5 or below and I wouldn't be going home. Then in the next breath told me I was at 5.3 and she didn't think I was going home, but she had to call the MD. I forgot to mention that this was on 11/11/11 so when they decided to induce me grandma got excited. I called Charlie's dad LeNorris right before he walked into a job interview and looking back maybe I should have waited until after he was done because I know he worried the entire time. We drove back to the house to pick up my stuff while they got the paperwork ready for me to be admitted to the hospital and checked into the hospital.
LeNorris had surgery on his foot the Tuesday that I had the non stress test so he was in a lot of pain. He came by the hospital after his interview to make sure I was ok...he had to see it with his own eyes. Then I sent him home to rest and mom and I started the longest wait of my life. We played cribbage and she made Charlie a blanket and nothing happened. The biggest excitement which wasn't really good was Charlie kept rolling over on her umbilical cord and cutting off her oxygen supply since my fluid was low so they would have to roll me over in different positions to move her off of it. When the doctor came in at 4pm on Saturday nothing had changed since we checked in Friday morning and she told us we probably wouldn't have the baby until tomorrow. So I called LeNorris and told him to stay home and rest since he was in pain. Later he told me he thought I didn't want him there and I felt bad.

So after getting my head around nothing was going to happen and I was stuck in the hospital for yet another day between 5-5:30pm I really had to go to the bathroom. Since I was being induce they had to check me before letting me go in even though the doctor had just been in at 4pm and checked me. The nurse was surprised to find that I was at 4cm, but said it was fine for me to use the restroom. When I finished and came out I was in a lot of pain. I asked for drugs and when I would be able to get an epidural. So the anesthesiologist was called and I thought I was in for a drug induced comfortable night...I was wrong! After struggling to get the epidural I was told I could use the bathroom after they inserted the catheter, but Miss Charlie decided it was time for her to come into the world right then. Unfortunately she didn't handle the contractions at this time and we had to have an emergency C-Section. After getting in the O.R. I found out the epidural didn't work, so after trying to restart it then poking me 3 to 4 times for a spinal tap and being unsuccessful I had to be put under general anesthesia for the delivery. Below is Charlie and my first picture together though I was not aware of it.

After being in the hospital for 6 days I was ready to get home, but after being let go I found myself back in the hosptial again the next day with complications. Needless to say it was a difficult process to recovery, but my little princess was worth it all. I love her so much!

Blessings!

I heard this song by Laura Story a few weeks ago called Blessings.
The words go:
We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

I wonder how many times I have been so focused on what I want and what I am not getting that I have missed the blessing that are right in front of me. It was a nice reminder that just because Life isn't the way we planned it doesn't mean God has forgot about us it just means he has bigger things in store.

The past few months I have found myself in the Why me? mode and it has just been the past few weeks I have come to realize the blessing God has given me. I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring or most days how I am going to make it with a child, but I know that if I leave it in God's hands it will work out how he intended.

So now I am a little over a week until I find out what we are having and I can't wait to find out if it is a boy or a girl. Everyone keeps asking me what I want and the truthful answer is I really don't care I just want to know one way or the other. Grandma and Grandpa Kinard along with Daddy are hoping for a boy. There are mixed feelings between my friends some say they think a Boy other a girl. I pray we will know on June 20th...baby needs to not be shy if it is going to survive in this family.